If you both filed bankruptcy, then you both have to go to your 341 Meeting of Creditors.
When you file bankruptcy, you can file a a single petition (for one person) or a joint petition (for a married couple). If your wife (or husband) files bankruptcy with you, then they are required to go to that first 341 Meeting of Creditors. This means that if both of your names are on the bankruptcy court’s 341 Notice, then both of you need to go. If one of you misses the 341 Meeting, then the trustee will file a motion to dismiss for non-appearance, and that spouse will need to file a new bankruptcy case after her half of this case gets dismissed.
For other hearings, it depends. Sometimes in a chapter 13, you are required to go to a confirmation hearing where the court hears arguments on whether or not to confirm your chapter 13 plan. For this hearing, I will sometimes only have one of the parties (husband or wife) go to hearing, if I even need one of you present.
But for 341s, if both of you filed, then both of you go.